WELL CRAP!

Folks (and by folks I mean Christians), I am REALLY wrestling with some serious conflict right now. You see, it all goes back to the "sermon" I belched out last Sunday evening near Knightstown, IN.

I know the sermon was for me as much as it was for anyone. If you were there, you might recall me actually tearing up at the very beginning. What you may not know... I was actually full-on crying at the back of the sanctuary as it all hit me. You see, I had shown up that night with a video of Haiti and nothing else. And it's not as though I had procrastinated in my preparations. All week I was drawing blanks.

I cried in front of the church because I was "hearing God" right then and there... without warning and in front of the "class." Usually, this sort of thing happens to me in the quiet of privacy. But that night, God was working me over right there in front of a group of people I barely knew. If it hadn't been the Lord, I would have felt violated and vulnerable. But it didn't feel that way. It was sweeeet. Tasty.

"CAN'T GO THERE JUST YET."
I want to believe that this thing rolling around in my head is from the Creator of Heaven and Earth. I want to believe that I have been granted a deeper revelation (which is surprisingly more simple than profound). I want to believe what my heart is SCREAMING OUT TO ME...that it might actually be true. The PROBLEM is... it flies in the face of what all of us have been taught (on many levels). It's beyond bold... and yet it isn't. Truth be known, it's pretty great. Heh, the silliest part of all of it is that I'm not afraid of God at all. It's the people that I fear. And it's because of them that I can't "go there" just yet. Not in public. Not in a pulpit.

"MY HAT IS OFF."
Martin Luther, I believe that I feel some of what you must have gone through... to be haunted by suspicions about our faith that literally fly in the face of every prevailing teaching and teacher that has walked for generations before you. Who the heck did you think you were? You brash and prude heretic! My hat is off to you. Not because you had the thoughts. Not even because you allowed them to fester in your heart (which is more than most folks will allow in their own hearts). My hat flies off because you just went and did it... you nailed those thoughts on the DOOR OF THE CHURCH! Whew.

What balls.

"STINKY FRIENDS and STUCK FOOD."
You ever have that friend that just always stinks? B.O.
Or what about the guy who has crap jammed between his teeth cause he never brushes? They're usually the ones complaining about never finding anyone to date or get close to. And you just wanna SCREAM... "Brush your teeth! Take a friggin' shower!" 'Cause you're pretty sure that would perhaps TRIPLE their chances of romance.

But you don't say a thing. Nothing. 'Cause you love them. So much so, that you would rather spare them the pain of "now"... despite the complete bliss that they could gain if you were only willing to speak freely.

Well people, "You've got crap stuck in your teeth and you wreak to high heavens." I'm just trying to gain the courage to tell you... to hurt you... so that you might be finally free.

...please forgive me as I delay...